Positive Parenting - The Definitive Guide And 9 Essential Tips (2023)

| What is positive parenting | Benefits | 9 essential positive parenting tips |

Positive parenting and positive discipline focus on teaching good behavior using kind and firm parenting techniques. Here are some effective positive parenting tips to help you create a peaceful, happy home.

What Is Positive Parenting?

Positive parenting is a parenting principle that assumes children are born good and with the desire to do the right thing. It emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and using positive ways to discipline. The positive parenting approaches focus on teaching proper future behavior instead of punishing past misbehavior.

In the 1920s, Viennese psychiatrists, Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs introduced to the United States the positive parenting strategies​1​. Parenting experts and programs across the world have since refined and championed various positive parenting solutions.

Many modern parents embrace these gentle parenting principles because they do not want to parent the way they were raised.

Positive parenting means parents can raise happy children in ways that reflect their family values and beliefs. Positive parents are sensitive to their children’s needs, developmental stages, and temperament. Among the four Baumrind parenting styles, positive parenting is an authoritative parenting style.

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Benefits of Positive Parenting

Fewer Behavior problems

Decades of studies have shown that using positive discipline yieldspositive outcomes in terms of the child’s behavior and emotional growth.

In contrast, harsh, punitive parenting in early childhood tends to result in more behavior problems. Parents who are cold, uninvolved, and unresponsive raise kids with worse self-regulation, which further exacerbates the child’s behavior issues​2​.

Close Parent-Child relationship

A positive parent does not need to punish their child to correct problematic behavior. There is no more yelling, power struggle, or hostility. As a result, the parent-child dynamics change, and their relationship improves.

Furthermore, mutual respect and open communication strengthen the parent-child relationship.

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Better Self-Esteem and mental well-being

Children raised with positive parenting have higher self-esteem. They believe they can do things as well as most other kids.

These children are also more resilient. They bounce back readily from adversities.

Kids who are resilient with self-confidence have less family conflict and better connections with their loving parents. They tend to have better mental health​3​.

Greater school performance

Positively parented children enjoy more academic success​4,5​. A better parent-child relationship resulting from this parenting style is also highly associated with school performance.

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Better Social Competence

Children of positive parents have better social problem-solving skills and social self-efficacy​6​. They are more well-adjusted and have a positive sense of self.

More Parenting Self-esteem and Less Stress

Children are not the only ones who benefit from positive parenting. Researchers have found that parents who practice positive parenting also gain self-esteem and confidence in their parenting. They have less parenting-related stress as the children have self-discipline and are well-behaved.

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Positive Parenting Tips

1. Focus On The Reasons Behind The Behaviors

There is always a reason why children misbehave, even thoughthe reason may seem sillyto the parents.

It is reasonable for the child, and that’s why they behave that way.

If parents can address the cause directly, even if the child doesn’t get exactly what they want, they would still feel that their needs are acknowledged. Having emotional support from the family is often more important than having the actual request met.

An acknowledged child can move on without the need to misbehave. They may still begrumpy, but they do not need to act out to get heard.

Ask them questions and get to the core of the problem. Using active listening and knowing the reason behind the challenging behaviors can also help parents avoid them in the first place.

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For example, a child hit her brother. The reason could be that she was frustrated when her little brother took her toy. So teaching the younger child to ask for permission first before taking someone else’s toys will prevent the issue from arising. Doing that is also teaching them good manners.

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If your child seems to never listen to you, there are two plausible reasons.

One reason could be your expectationis not reasonable. Reexamine what you ask your child to do or not to do. Is that a command or a request? Does it have a good reason?

It’s easier for a child to accept a good explanation, especially one that is relevant to their well-being than to blindly follow an order.

Another reason for disobedience is a lack of a close parent-child relationship, which forms the foundation for a child’s growth, brain development, and future success.

2. Be Kind And Firm

Be kind to your child to model how to be kind and respectful to others.

Children learn by mimicking others, and you are their primary role model.

When a parent yells, humiliates, or calls a child names, the child learns to do the same when they’re upset.

The converse is also true. When a parent is kind and respectful despite being upset, the child learns to deal with difficulties with composure and respect.

Being kind also helps a child to calm down, be receptive to reasoning, and be more likely to cooperate.

Being kind is not the same as giving in.

Many parents mistakenly equate being positive and kind to being permissive.

This is simply not true.

You should still set boundaries, but at the same time, you enforce them in a kind and firm way. For example, you can firmly and kindly tell a child that she cannot have what she wants. There is no need to yell, use a mean tone or talk ina stern voice. A stern voice conveys anger while a firm voice communicates authority.

You don’t need to be mean to mean business. A firm and calm NOis as good as, if not better than, a loud and mean NO.

You can be firm in setting limits and enforcing consequences so that your child knows what to expect and what to base their future decisions on.

Practicing decision-making this way helps children grow their cognitive thinking, an invaluable skill for their future success.

3. Gentle Discipline

According to Jane Nelsen in Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, punitive punishment produces Four Rs that do not help a child learn – Resentment, Rebellion, Revenge, and Retreat.

Often, unnatural negative consequences cannot stop bad behavior, nor does it teach good ones.

When parents yell or punish, they create a vicious cycle of coercion. The coercive cycle has been found to link to behavioral issues and conduct problems such as oppositional defiant disorder in children.

A positive, non-punitive response is much more effective in settling an overstimulated child and engaging them to learn a new behavior.

Time-out has been widely criticized in recent years. That’s because most parents do not use it correctly​7​.

Time-out for kids is not meant to be a punishment but unfortunately, most parents use it that way. They isolate and restrict the child’s movement and add a secondary punishment by chastising or lecturing the child.

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In the original design of time-out, the child is simply removed from the over-stimulating environment that creates or aggravates misbehavior, and then put intoa non-reinforcing place to calm down and feel safe.

So some parenting experts invented “time-in” to replace time-out. Time-in is actually a similar idea to the proper use of time-out, which has been proven to work with decades of research by psychologists.

Using time-outs is not the only way to stop unwanted behavior. Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems,also by Nelsen, is full of good advice, solutions, and recommendations on effective discipline.

But it is hard to remember all 1001 solutions or always have the book handy when you need it. So it’s important to be creative and flexible when disciplining.

Remember, a positive parenting approach focuses on teaching the appropriate behavior rather than punishing the unwanted ones.

4. Be Clear and Be Consistent

Decide and explain the consequences of violating limits clearly before being enforced. In addition, parents need to be consistent and follow through on them.

If a parent is not consistent, there will be confusion.

The child may keep testing or challenging the limits to see what else can happen.

To follow through means do not say something unless you mean it.

Do not make empty threats to cancel the ball game if your kid misbehaves unless you are willing to carry it out when that happens.

5. Age-appropriate Behavior and Brain Development

Sometimes, what we think is inappropriate behavior is actually age-appropriate behavior.

For instance, tantrums in toddlers are very normal. These young kids have big emotions but cannot express them in words. They also don’t have the ability to regulate themselves because that part of the brain is not yet developed. Our child needs our help in learning to regulate.

Stages of brain development play a part in choosing a positive parenting strategy. Toddlers and preschoolers (even three-year-olds) may not understand the consequences. So for them, redirection instead of reasoning or giving consequences should be used.

6. Start Early

Positive parenting begins with the parent becoming a positive model for the child and gaining child development knowledge. So it can start even when your child is only a newborn baby.

Young children learn by watching their adults and how they react in different situations. Attending to your child’s cues and responding positively can make a significant difference in your child’s life.

Happy kids are not born but nurtured.

7. Time-Out Yourself to Chill Out

Yes, you heard that right.

You need to take a time-out yourself when needed.

Inevitably, sometimes parents are just exhausted and angered by children’s unruly behavior.

But this is the true do-as-I-say-AND-as-I-do moment. If you can calm yourself down and speak in a respectful and firm way, your child learns to handle anger and disappointment with grace.

If something doesn’t go your child’s way, you want them to have the ability to self-control and remain respectful. If you cannot do it yourself, don’t expect your child to do this.

When you feel that you’re about to lose it, tell your child that you need a moment by yourself because you are upset. Give a time frame on when you’ll return and then go into another room to cool off.

Walking away not only stops the power struggles but also allows you the time to calm down. Remind yourself of your disciplining goal, which should be to teach, not to win in a conflict.

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While there, take a few deep, mindful breaths to clear your mind.

You now have more time and breathing room to think of ways to deal with the issue at hand.

When you return, you will be refreshed and ready to tackle your parenting challenges again.

Another good way to improve your self-regulation is to practice meditation. Regular meditation helps reduce stress in trying situations like this and promotes mindful parenting​8​.

8. Make It A Learning Opportunities

When children are old enough to reason (older than three), every misbehaving episode can be turned into an invaluable lesson in problem-solving.

What is the lesson of breaking a toy? It means the child cannot play with it anymore. That’s a natural consequence.

If the child didn’t like the toy, he should have given it to a friend or donated it so that other kids could enjoy it. If they broke a toy out of frustration, help them find other outlets to release the anger such as punching a pillow. Teach them how to think of alternative ways to resolve an issue instead of acting out.

Teach them the vocabulary to explain their feelings (“I am angry because…”) rather than misbehaving. Help children develop their communication skills. Promoting language development will cut down on temper tantrums and misbehavior significantly.

9. Be Patient And Don’t Despair

Positive parenting and positive discipline won’t produce the behavioral changes parents want overnight.

Practicing Positive Parenting is not about getting fast results. It is about teaching behavior that parents want their children to emulate over time.

Be patient and don’t yield to peer pressure from other parents who prefer fear-based parenting.

In the beginning, you may have to do a lot of explaining every day. It may take longer to see real changes than traditional punishment because children need repetitions to learn. It can be weeks or even months before your child starts to get it.

But when that happens, it will be very rewarding and the benefits will last a lifetime.

Final Thoughts on Positive Parenting

Positive parenting is significantly different from traditional harsh parenting. It requires a different mindset and parenting behaviors.

But with patience, persistence, and (plenty of) practice, you can turn disciplinary moments into valuable lessons for kids.


  1. 1.

    McVittie J, Best AM. The impact of Alderian-based parenting classes on self-reported parental behavior. The Journal of Individual Psychology. 2009;65(3):264-285.

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  2. 2.

    Connell A, Bullock BM, Dishion TJ, Shaw D, Wilson M, Gardner F. Family Intervention Effects on Co-occurring Early Childhood Behavioral and Emotional Problems: A Latent Transition Analysis Approach. J Abnorm Child Psychol. Published online May 13, 2008:1211-1225. doi:10.1007/s10802-008-9244-6

  3. 3.

    Smokowski PR, Bacallao ML, Cotter KL, Evans CBR. The Effects of Positive and Negative Parenting Practices on Adolescent Mental Health Outcomes in a Multicultural Sample of Rural Youth. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. Published online June 1, 2014:333-345. doi:10.1007/s10578-014-0474-2

  4. 4.

    Eisenberg N, Zhou Q, Spinrad TL, Valiente C, Fabes RA, Liew J. Relations Among Positive Parenting, Children’s Effortful Control, and Externalizing Problems: A Three-Wave Longitudinal Study. Child Development. Published online September 2005:1055-1071. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2005.00897.x

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    Neppl TK, Conger RD, Scaramella LV, Ontai LL. Intergenerational continuity in parenting behavior: Mediating pathways and child effects. Developmental Psychology. Published online 2009:1241-1256. doi:10.1037/a0014850

  6. 6.

    Leidy MS, Guerra NG, Toro RI. Positive parenting, family cohesion, and child social competence among immigrant Latino families. Journal of Family Psychology. Published online 2010:252-260. doi:10.1037/a0019407

  7. 7.

    Riley AR, Wagner DV, Tudor ME, Zuckerman KE, Freeman KA. A Survey of Parents’ Perceptions and Use of Time-out Compared to Empirical Evidence. Academic Pediatrics. Published online March 2017:168-175. doi:10.1016/j.acap.2016.08.004

  8. 8.

    Gouveia MJ, Carona C, Canavarro MC, Moreira H. Self-Compassion and Dispositional Mindfulness Are Associated with Parenting Styles and Parenting Stress: the Mediating Role of Mindful Parenting. Mindfulness. Published online March 2, 2016:700-712. doi:10.1007/s12671-016-0507-y

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What are the positive parenting tips? ›

Share on
  1. Give your child lots of nurturing physical attention. ...
  2. Offer a variety of activities for them to do. ...
  3. Set clear limits on your child's behavior. ...
  4. Don't feed into their emotional outbursts. ...
  5. Have realistic expectations. ...
  6. Don't forget to take care of yourself. ...
  7. Don't forget to give your child positive attention.
May 20, 2020

What are the 3 F's of positive parenting? ›

Effective parenting involves effective discipline, and there are three f's that make it easy to remember, and they are firm, fair, and friendly.

Are Positive Parenting Solutions worth it? ›

The short answer is YES! Positive Parenting Solutions is a good solution for parents who struggle with disciplining their children and need to find a better way to communicate with them. To learn more, check out their 60-minute presentation here. Raise your hand if you've never yelled at your children!

Why positive parenting is important? ›

“When parents engage positively with their children, teaching them the behaviors and skills that they need to cope with the world, children learn to follow rules and regulate their own feelings,” Metzler says. “As parents, we try really hard to protect our kids from the experience of bad things,” Crnic explains.

What are the 10 responsibilities of a parent? ›

Your duties and rights as a parent
  • to protect your child from harm.
  • to provide your child with food, clothing and a place to live.
  • to financially support your child.
  • to provide safety, supervision and control.
  • to provide medical care.
  • to provide an education.
Sep 22, 2020

Which is an effect of positive parenting on a child? ›

“When parents engage positively with their children, teaching them the behaviors and skills that they need to cope with the world, children learn to follow rules and regulate their own feelings,” Metzler says. “As parents, we try really hard to protect our kids from the experience of bad things,” Crnic explains.

How do you raise a successful and happy child? ›

Sum Up
  1. Get Happy Yourself.
  2. Teach Them To Build Relationships.
  3. Expect Effort, Not Perfection.
  4. Teach Optimism.
  5. Teach Emotional Intelligence.
  6. Form Happiness Habits.
  7. Teach Self-Discipline.
  8. More Playtime.
Mar 24, 2014

What are the 5 constructs of nurturing parenting? ›

Construct A: Inappropriate Expectations; Construct B: Lack of Empathy; Construct C: Belief in the use of Physical Punishment; Construct D: Reversing Parent-Child Family Roles; and Construct E: Oppressing Children's Power and Independence.

How can I fix yelling at my child? ›

Think of this as your yelling rehab manual, a 10-step guide to gaining control over the outside voice.
  1. Know your triggers. ...
  2. Give kids a warning. ...
  3. Take a time out. ...
  4. Make a Yes List. ...
  5. Teach the lesson later. ...
  6. Know what's considered normal behaviour. ...
  7. Be proactive. ...
  8. Adjust your expectations.
Sep 28, 2020

What is Triple P stand for? ›

What does Triple P do? The three Ps in 'Triple P' stand for 'Positive Parenting Program' which means your family life is going to be much more enjoyable. Triple P helps you: Raise happy, confident kids. Manage misbehaviour so everyone in the family enjoys life more.

Can I cancel Positive Parenting Solutions? ›

Your purchase is eligible for a full refund within the initial 30 day period only. (Your enrollment date is Day 1). No cancellation of payment plan or refund will be issued after Day 30. To be fair to all customers, there will be NO exceptions.

Is the big little feelings course worth it? ›

If you're a fan of Big Little Feelings or of Margolin and Gallant themselves, ponying up the $99 for "Winning The Toddler Stage" is a no-brainer. If you're less familiar but are struggling with what to do with your willful little human, it's still well-worth the investment.

What are Amy McCready's credentials? ›

What are Amy McCready's credentials? McCready was a trainer and senior manager for Fortune 500 companies before she began researching Adlerian Psychology and positive discipline in an effort to reform her own family.

What are the 4 types of parenting styles? ›

Psychologists tend to focus on the four key parenting styles:
  • Authoritarian.
  • Authoritative.
  • Permissive.
  • Uninvolved/neglectful.
Feb 25, 2021

What are examples of positive discipline? ›

10 healthy discipline strategies that work
  • Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. ...
  • Set limits. ...
  • Give consequences. ...
  • Hear them out. ...
  • Give them your attention. ...
  • Catch them being good. ...
  • Know when not to respond. ...
  • Be prepared for trouble.
Nov 5, 2018

What is effective parenting? ›

Effective parenting: is defined as the ability to interact and engage with children in such a way that they learn and grow into remarkable adults. takes daily effort to connect with children on a meaningful and personal level.

What are positive discipline approaches? ›

The most effective positive discipline strategies are redirection, positive reinforcement, "time-in" (carving out quality moments with your child), single-word reminders, and selective ignoring of objectionable behavior.


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