ABOUT THE BOOK:
Blog Title:Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Book Summary / Review)
Name:Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
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Book size: 304 pages
Before talking about “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Book Summary / Review)”, let’s talk about the book’s author Mira Kirshenbaum. Kirshenbaum has an international Reputation as a Therapist for Individuals, couples, and families. Mira is Co-Founder and clinical director of Chestnut Hill Station. She is the author of nine award-winning books. Those books have become national as well as international best-sellers. She has also appeared many times on the Today show and has been interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. She is also an author, co-author, and researcher with Charles foster of many articles and twelve books including Feel Better Fast, Is He Mr. Right?,The weekend Marriageetc.
There are many books about relationships which will help you and tell you about how to fix your relationship but this Groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should try-or you need to go. The author came up with this Groundbreaking book after years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decisions. In this Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Book Summary / Review), Kirshenbaum provides readers some unique guidelines that are the key to making all choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now and also shows you the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line such as what you need to be happy, this remarkably insightful and problem-solving guide offers you advise and let you know the truth about your relationship. This book will help you to know whether you should stay or go or whether you are doing the very best thing.
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Book Summary / Review):
Here author says that That to stay in the relationship you should recommit to it free of doubt, free of holding back you should free at last to pour your love and energy into the relationship and get back everything there is to get from it or if you want to leave your relationship then you must liberate yourself from it, you should free your confusion, should free yourself from pain, you should free yourself to get on with a new and better life, but at start you don’t have the kind of evidence that speaks to your hears and makes clears what’s best for you.
Author says that the worst situation for anyone is to get into the confusion whether to stay or not, it’s very difficult to decide because we have gone through so much to reach certain level in relationship, and making a decision whether to stay or not can be the worst nightmare, while making a decision our emotions and feelings flow, we don’t understand what we should do because we don’t have any clear evidence which clears up our confusion.
First story of leaving: This story is about heather and bill, heather was working in the garden and bill was inside the home. Heather asked bill to make a sandwich for her, because heather saw him inside the kitchen grabbing a beer bottle from the refrigerator, when she asked him to make a sandwich for her because she was tired after working hard in the garden that too in the hot sun, he immediately said no to her and went to the drawing room.
This is where Heather feels bad, she was upset and feel that bill selfishness was completely undeniable and bottomless, and this incident and consistent selfishness of bill clear her confusion and she decided to leave she thought that there’s nothing left for her and it’s better for her to get out and be free.
The second story of staying: Another story of a married couple, Lynn, and Steve. One day Steve realizes that something is not right, when he married to Lynn at that time she was very sweet and understanding but after few years she turned into someone who does nothing but complain, One day when Steve was returning home at that time he heard a song on the radio “WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN.” That song made him think, that song made him realized his responsibility towards her wife, that song made him realized that it is his responsibility to make her know that he loves her a lot, if he doesn’t show how will she know his love, he realized that his wife Lynn has become unloving because he is unloving, after realizing his mistake he immediately worked on it, he spend some quality time with her, he didn’t miss a single opportunity to show her that he still loves her a lot, this realization and working on his mistake saved his relationship.
In the first example, Bill never realized his mistake, he never realized that why his wife is getting so frustrated and because of his lack of realization, he lost her, whereas in second story Steve realized his mistake and he immediately work on his mistake that realization and improving saved his relationship.
Author has shared few questions, answering those questions genuinely will clear your confusion
- Whether the two of you really fit together or not
- Whether the things that bother you will get better or worse
- How you will feel if they do get better and if they don’t
- Whether you can improve your relationship on your own or with the best therapist
- What you’ll find if you leave and whether it’ll be better or worse than what you have now
- How to balance the responsibility you have to yourself and to the people you care about.
The author says that finding what exactly you want is completely dependent on you, whether you actually want to find clarity in the first place or whether the most comfortable place for you is staying up in the air the way you’ve been, its completely on you.
The author says doing two things is her mission:
First: To share the experience of the people who are going through the same problems and situations just like you, who are struggling with same issues you are struggling or wrestling with.
Second: and second mission of author is to rediscover the value of your own experience, here author says that she is not going to pull a rabbit of a hat, because it has nothing to do with what you’ve felt and seen about your partner and your relationship, author says that the problems are not that you don’t know what’s going on, but the trouble and the biggest problems is that you have trouble sorting it all out.
In most of the relationship, at start people avoid or ignore each- others mistakes and things which they dislike, but later that same thing irritates them, and that irritation and frustration affects their love relationship, hence when you know what is the issue which is creating problem in your relationship, instead of avoiding them even after knowing to try to fix them, try to sort it out, because avoidance creates disturbance, hence sort your problems instead of ignoring them.
This is the end of “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Book Summary / Review)”. There are many useful chapters and parts in this book. if you want to clear your confusion and want to know more about how to handle relationships and how to sort out issues then do buy this book from the given links:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay Summary
Kirshenbaum says that, if you're in a relationship that seems both too good to leave and too bad to stay in, you're in a state called relationship ambivalence. When you feel ambivalent about your partner you take distance from them. You spend less time together.
- Getting the Love You Want. by Harville Hendrix.
- Hold Me Tight. by Sue Johnson.
- 7 Principles That Make Marriage Work. by John Gottman.
- 5 Love Languages. by Gary Chapman.
- Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. by Mark Manson.
What is an ambivalent relationship? It means a partner cannot decide if they want to be in a relationship with someone or not. They can feel connected emotionally to this person, but they sometimes think they can have a better partner. They also feel frustration and anxiety because they cannot leave this relationship.
- Has good communication between you been maintained throughout your relationship?
- Do you speak to each other respectfully?
- Are resentments being held onto and rehashed?
- Are you going through a period where everything seems to be going wrong?